When Family Wears What Hurt You

The other day, I was talking to a family member on FaceTime. We were laughing, catching up, and then I noticed what they had on — a shirt from the station I used to work for. The same station that fired me after I spoke up for myself.

Without thinking, I said, “You need to throw that shirt away.”
They looked confused and said, “Why? They didn’t do anything to me.”

I paused. “But they did something to me.”
And that’s when it hit me — they didn’t get it.

Their reply wasn’t cruel, but it stung. “Well, I don’t know what they did exactly.”

At that point, I handed the phone to my daughter because there was nothing else to say. When someone you love won’t even remove what represents your pain, it tells you a lot about where they stand. Or maybe, where they’re unwilling to stand.

It’s not about a shirt. It’s about recognition. It’s about wanting the people closest to you to see that what happened matters. That the hurt wasn’t imagined. That even if they can’t fix it, they won’t wear the logo of the people who caused it.

Sometimes we realize the people we thought would cover us in our pain choose comfort instead — the comfort of not having to think too deeply, not having to take a side, not having to sit in discomfort.

But here’s what I’m learning: not everyone will understand the weight of what wounded you, and that’s okay. Healing doesn’t require their agreement. It just requires your decision to stop expecting understanding from people who don’t want to see it.

Romans 12:9 says, “Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.”

That verse isn’t just about calling out the obvious wrongs of the world — it’s about choosing to let go of anything that tries to normalize your pain.

So if someone wants to wear what hurt you, let them. Just don’t let it wear on you.